We bleed...

It was a day like any other when I woke up. Till I remembered the date. Exactly one year to a day we all sat there numbed beyond belief to what was happening in Mumbai. And the chill that went through me had nothing to do with the cold outside.

The day went by in a blur, we observed a two minute silence for all those who lost their lives unnecessarily – whether it was a Major Unnikrishnan whose young life could have been saved if the terrorists hadn’t attacked or that of Kang’s children; whether it was Sabina who choked to death in a plush hotel; a newly-wed Gunjan who had gone there to celebrate his birthday with his entire family; or it was, ironically, an Amar who lost his life at CST. All unnecessary. How do we bear the deaths of a Karkare, an Amte, a Salaskar? That sweet staffer at the Trident, who’s name one didn’t know and wouldn’t know again, but who stood there and took a bullet in his chest, the man traveling from his workplace to back home – whose children will see him no more…they all went, and countless, nameless more for you and me, but flesh, blood, joy and laughter, today only a memory for someone.

I can’t seem to control the tremble even today – every time over the last year as nightmares of those horrid three days have wrecked my sleep I have been shook – with anger, with pain, with fear. No, I did not lose anyone near and dear, but others did. Is human life so inconsequent that if it’s mine, it hurts and if it’s not mine, it doesn’t? I should pray not!

Unfortunately it hurt more when I sent messages to 300 people for a minutes time of thought for those who had passed away and those they left behind – and I got a response from 8 people! Sam, Max, Neil, Tariq bhai, Usma, Manish, Anil and Shalini – thank you for responding. One response was “thanks for reminding”. Another was (when I sent out a message asking people to join me at India Gate at 9, “Nahi yaar, I’m too lazy for causes”! Forgive me for not naming these people – obvious reasons. I’m still wondering how observing silence at a war memorial for the Unni’s, the Karkare’s- , the Salaskar’s and all who died is a cause….

Anyhow, was heartened by seeing people – young and old – holding candles, holding hands - just simply there at India Gate. No, I don’t understand slogans and shouting and so on. No, I don’t understand a pretty young thing on a news channel asking inane questions to war-orphans and war-widows –‘how are you feeling’, ‘how are you supporting yourself today?’, ‘what do you tell the children about their father’. No, I don’t understand Advani accusing the government of not paying compensation on the anniversary of the very day – why was he sleeping the entire year?

What I do understand is this: People – no matter what caste, creed, religion, gender or age – coming together in peace and demanding a peaceful world. What I do understand is you and I accepting another for who he is and not what he/she covers their head with. What I do understand is you and I saying no to religion-incited violence.

Else, we shall continue to bleed.

Simplicity

Life sometimes gets so complicated
simple things become unduly weighted
a split instant and upside down it all turns
sometimes causing smiles, sometimes heartburns

oh for being carefree
why can't we try?
I shake my head
my heart whispers a sigh...

Silence XXIII

the silence deepens
the malaise grows
along with it
the list of woes.
an abyss beckons;
a matter of seconds
and Voila! all's gone.
no rage, no tears
no uncalled violence
finally, all around...
Silence

Silence - XXII

Standing in the balcony,
a slight spray teasing me;
Gentle breeze in my ear,
Whispering a sigh...
We're having a lovely conversation -
My silence and I.

I Know I Do

I know I drive you wild
With desire that's a burning fire
With anger that could spell danger
With passion that's an exclamation

I respond to you when I want
When I want I let you be
In measure with the desire
That's what draws you to me

With every gasp, every sigh
You express with child-like delight
I know I drive you wild.

The Cry of Indian Youth

हिन्दी मुझे सिखाई गयी
उर्दू (इन्टरनेट से सीखी हुई)
मेरे दिल की जुबां है

मेरे - अब्बा कहूं या पापा
लिखना बोलना सब जानते हैं
मुझ में कुछ खला है,
इसका मुझे गुमान है

मैं हिंदू हूँ
गुरु मेरे मुस्लमान थे
जब सिखों को जलाया गया
मेरे पिता मरने और मरने वालों के दरमियान थे

पर आज में इस दरमियान हूँ
न हिंदू हूँ न मुसलमान हूँ

बस बौखलाई हुई, खोई हुई
आज के बिखरे ही हिंदुस्तान
की संतान हूँ

Of 60 years of being a Republic...

I was asked if I needed a lesson in Civics when I ruminated whether we were really a Republic in the 60 years of our being one. Here then is my answer to that question. Choose for yourself, the appropriate answer.

Right to equality
Equality before law: All citizens shall be equally protected by the laws of the country. It means that the State cannot discriminate against a citizen on the basis of caste, creed, colour, sex, religion or place of birth.
And a rich man with the right connections roams scott free while a poor – probably innocent - man who does not have a Jethmalani at his beck and running call squirms in jail.
Social equality and equal access to public areas: No person shall be discriminated on the basis of caste, colour, language, etc. Every person shall have equal access to public places like public parks, museums, wells, bathing ghats and temples, etc.
And a girl is not allowed into temples and kitchens on the days she is “ashudh” never mind the fact that if she wasn’t – she’d be considered immoral and pelted to death or ostracized and labeled “loose”
Equality in matters of public employment: The State cannot discriminate against anyone in the matters of employment. All citizens can apply for government jobs.
And a woman is expected to either go via the casting couch – no matter what the industry – or offered a clerical job before she proves her intellect as stronger than the man she types out letters for. There are enough and more Kiran Bedis out there who are passed over because of their gender…
Abolition of untouchability: Practice of untouchability is an offense and anyone doing so is punishable by law.
Ha! And then there are the widowed who are thrown out of house, home, village and town. Not allowed to drink water from the same wells, not allowed inside temples, these are women not even allowed the basic civic decency of living in good homes. Their front doors open up into a garbage heap! Don’t believe me – travel to Banaras and see for yourself.
Abolition of Titles: Citizens of India cannot accept titles from a foreign State.
This one, thankfully seems to be the only one in Equality that we seem to be doing alright in!
Right to freedom
Freedom of speech and expression, which enable an individual to participate in public activities. The phrase, "freedom of press" has not been used in Article 19, but freedom of expression includes freedom of press. Reasonable restrictions can be imposed in the interest of public order, security of State, decency or morality.
...And we have men and women in various states roughed up because they were “caught” drinking and hanging out with people of the opposite sex! Decency is now being defined by people who don’t know it is indecent, nay, barbaric, to assault a woman. And we have uproar in the corridors of places that be because some of the upholders of law and State are caught on tape accepting “favors”.
Freedom to assemble peacefully without arms, on which the State can impose reasonable restrictions in the interest of public order and the sovereignty and integrity of India.
...And we have lathi charges, water canons and tear gas unleashed at people who demand for peace.
Freedom to form associations or unions on which the State can impose reasonable restrictions on this freedom in the interest of public order, morality and the sovereignty and integrity of India.
Freedom to move freely throughout the territory of India though reasonable restrictions can be imposed on this right in the interest of the general public, for example, restrictions may be imposed on movement and travelling, so as to control epidemics.
And we have the likes of Raj Thackerey who demands all non-marathas to get out of Maharashtra! Beware. He’s not the only one. There are many Thackerays, Purohits, et al out there...
Freedom to reside and settle in any part of the territory of India which is also subject to reasonable restrictions by the State in the interest of the general public or for the protection of the scheduled tribes
See above!
Freedom to practice any profession or to carry on any occupation, trade or business on which the State may impose reasonable restrictions in the interest of the general public.
Read above, think Bar Girls.
The constitution also guarantees the right to life and personal liberty, which in turn cites specific provisions in which these rights are applied and enforced:
No one can be awarded punishment which is more than what the law of the land prescribes at that time.
...And we have mob mentality where an engineer is killed, a policeman removes his belt and thrashes a youngster to death....i could go on, but need space for the other rights as well...
No citizen can be denied his life and liberty except by law. This means that a person's life and personal liberty can only be disputed if that person has committed a crime. However, the right to life does not include the right to die, and hence, suicide or an attempt thereof, is an offence.
...Say that again? I have a right to live, but not a right to die? Never mind that it’s my life and freedom of expression goes bang against this one!
Right to primary education part of the right to freedom, stating that the State would provide free and compulsory education to children from six to fourteen years of age.
...And we have children begging on the streets, in pouring rain, in biting cold or scorching heat. We have little girls denied school because who’s going to have the food ready when the hard-working men come home?
No one can be arrested without being told the grounds for his arrest.
Can’t comment on this one, so won’t.
Right against exploitation
Child labor and Begar is prohibited under Right against exploitation.
The right against exploitation provides for two provisions, namely the abolition of trafficking in human beings and Begar (forced labor), and abolition of employment of children below the age of 14 years in dangerous jobs like factories and mines.
...And daily, newspapers report trafficking for prostitution – young or old, male or female, hell even eunuchs – on a mass scale. Read AIDS Sutra and you’ll find enough stories corroborating this fact, if you choose to not believe newspapers.
Right to freedom of religion
Right to freedom of religion provides religious freedom to all citizens of India. The objective of this right is to sustain the principle of secularism in India.
...And we have a Purohit who plans to promote a Hindu Shastra with Parsi (Tatas) money!
Cultural and educational rights
Any community which has a language and a script of its own has the right to conserve and develop them.
...never mind other languages being rejected for their own.
Right to constitutional remedies

Right to constitutional remedies empowers the citizens to move a court of law in case of any denial of the fundamental rights.
...And then there is an Indian HIV +ve citizen is not allowed to move court and finds himself unable to secure a legal counsel!

Let me now come to the Fundamental Duties

The Fundamental Duties scripted in the Constitution of India are different from the Fundamental rights. This is because Fundamental Rights are considered as the basic rights to be enjoyed by the citizens of the nation while the Duties are conferred upon people to be followed by them accordingly. The Fundamental Duties of the citizens of India mentioned in Article 51A of the Indian Constitution are as follows:

· To respect and incorporate the ideals which were the very base of our national struggle for freedom
…and till before Munnabhai we were a generation blaming any and every Gandhi for all our woes, topping the list - our Father of Nation!

· To follow the Constitution and respect its institutions, the National Flag and the National Anthem
…And children today do not know what our basic rights are. A wise radio jockey questioning a caller yesterday said Right to Life was NOT a right!

· To spread the message of peace and brotherhood amongst all the Indian citizens irrespective of linguistic, religious and regional or sectional diversities
…And every time I go to a certain part of the nation, I am called “you Punjabis”

· To discontinue practices pertaining to the impairment of the dignity of women
…ah! I shall say no more…Written enough above to be labeled “Feminist”, therefore shall resist
· To protect and promote the sovereignty, unity and integrity of India
….But we’re Maharashtrians and Punjabi’s and Tamilians and Kannadigas……We’re not Indians….

· To protect public property and to avoid violence
…I wish the images of burning buses leave me, but no, they stay, they haunt…

· To respect and preserve the rich heritage of Indian culture
…But how will Ratna’s love for Divakar be known if it is not carved out on the walls of Ajanta?

· To contribute towards making improvements in all spheres of individual and collective functions to take the nation to new heights of achievement
"…But the facilities, the infrastructure, the lifestyle in the United States/Europe/Australia are better….So I will go there to bring my hard labor of studying till class 12 to fruition!"

· To develop the spirit of inquiry and reform, a scientific temper and sense of humanism
Ya!Especially for the 'sense of humanism' bit

· To provide defense and national service when called upon to the country during hours of crisis
At this moment, I can proudly say we have brave men out there…The Kangs and the Unni’s, the Salaskars and the Karkares of India! With all my heart – the non-cynical part of it at least –I salute you.

· To preserve the natural environment of India like the forests, lakes, rivers and wild life and to have a compassionate outlook towards the living creatures
…Tehri dam, Narmada dam, new constructions, reclamation land….need I say more…

Therefore my dear friends, my question on are we really a republic. I question. Choose your own answer…

Sounds I listen to...

The voices in my head,
The roar of thunder,
A taking-off jet.

A baby's gurgles,
On a roaring river,
a popping bubble.

Soft Sufi, Hard Rock,
Chimes and tinkling bells,
The pitter patter of a rain drop.

These sounds move me,
Them I listen to.
But that's about me.

What about you?

I write - LIX

Gloom, doom,

Many - a loud boom.

Death, pain,

Nothing will ever be the same.

Panic, fears,

Culminate in tears.

Smoke, dust,

Too many laid to rest.

Terror, danger,

More outraged anger.

Candles, slogans,

What a contradictory sight.

It's not worth it I say

When people are brought home

Never to see the light of day.

For oneness, brotherly love

Harmony and humane delight,

For patience, for tolerance

For peace

I write.

All I Feel is Relief...

My pen's dried up like my tears have. My tears have dried up because the well of my emotions has hit rock bottom. There is nothing beyond rock bottom. I am highly claustrophobic, therefore I want release. There are many ways to that release. I just need to choose...

Metal on skin. So cool. Cool enough to end this constant burning. Sharp enough to cut through seven layers of skin. Sharp enough to cut through multiple layers of masks. Sharp enough to cut through never ending pain and reach what i've been looking for for some time now - relief. My fingers press the metal deeper...

Rivulets of red. trampling on everything in a hurry to meet the pristine white of the marbled floor. Detached, I watch its hurry. A tiny smile on my face. Soon, all too soon, there will be no hurry, no pain, no masks, no emotions, no words. Soon, there will be no me.

And all I feel is relief.

You...and I

You have me unglued
At the merest…
Normally articulate,
My words trip over each other
Normally poised,
I come hopelessly undone
Normally calm,
My racing heart goes a-flutter

Stop – to me, I say
I’m not so fragile, so weak
Stop – I ask you
You shrug and walk away.

And I - my heart breaks some more.

Unglued

your slightest touch

leaves me ablaze, unglued

how am i to live

knowing it's possible to feel so alive

and yet walk around

feeling as heavy as wood?

Electric

Staring ahead
With unseeing eyes
A million thoughts running by
Like strings of fast-moving psychedelic lights.

They look at me
Or through, I don’t know
And yet strangely, mmm-ingly
From those eyes to my surprised body, a current flows.

Alive.
That’s what I feel
In the surreal tingling moment
Wondering – is this a dream, a fantasy or pinch-real?

Captivated
In the depths of those pools
Willing to follow at the slightest blink
Pulled by the unseeing stare, I throw out all my rules.

I Write - of the end

Something inside me snapped today.

Of that 'something'

...That broke my heart

into a million shards

...That drove me around the bend

...Because of which

a part of me died tonight

...I write -

Of the beginning

of the end.

Butterfly

Wrapped in my cocoon,
So tender, so soft;
Lost in my world -
Two rooms and a loft;

Suddenly I felt
An un-scratchable itch -
Someone was poking me,
Pushing me out of my niche.

I tried to save myself,
The invasion continued;
I started to move -
And suddenly became unglued!

As away from me,
My blanket was dragged
I cried, my heart died,
I hurt and unceasingly bled.

I struggled to shield
My eyes from a deep blue sky
Only to find
This urge to soar high...

An urge that's given me wings
And a whole new world to try...
Wings with which, among other things,
I'm on my way to being a beautiful butterfly.