Today

Today.

6 months to the day that my sister passed away - of a cancer that grew inside her.

Life has moved, it refused to stand still. Sometimes, in the last 6 months, I lashed out in anger, sometimes I broked down and cried. Sometimes, I braved it and thought of some good times together and at others I railed at her for not being there.

Today, I'm just numb. I only want to hold her and I can't. I'm thinking of my brothers and wondering what they're thinking - Rakhi is three days away.

Today, I will try to follow what she said - live life, enjoy it. Work will get done one day later. Life won't.

Today I will be happy.

Didi...

I try to grasp
A face I no longer see
I close my eyes and it floats
Smiling sweetly at me.
I smile back
With an aching heart
We had a wonderful time
But death has done us part.
I struggle with my grief
As I celebrate the wonder that was you
Didi, my lovely sister
Today, like everyday
I hug you,
I think of you,

I miss you.

I write - LII

Of long battles
And a thought vaccuum

Of tumultous anger
And hurting silence

Of struggles within
And the smile with-out

Of resigned acceptance
And delayed understanding

Of limping back
And winning the battle

I write.