It started as a tiny niggle in my tummy, started boiling a little while later, soon changed into a welling and has now enveloped me, hugging me so tight with its cold, clammy arms that it has become difficult to move, to even breathe.

Sadness. Born out of ennui, born out of loneliness, born out of sadness...

I have sat here for the last 30 minutes, in the same position- half hugging my legs, staring at the computer screen, yet seeing nothing, reading nothing, keying in nothing.

I have been looking beyond the pixelated plasma of the computer screen. I have been tracing the casing of the screen with my eyes. I have been thinking of my life. I have been thinking of nothing.

I sit here now thinking of all the good times I've had. The picnics. The dances. The laughter. The fun. The slumber sessions. The gossip hours. The cook-a-thons. The JAM nights. The birthday bashes. The just-because get togethers. I sit here now thinking of all the tears too. The break-ups. The heartaches. The he-loves-me-he-loves-me-not-why does-he-not-love-me sessions. The moan-groan sessions.

As I key this in, I think of long-lost loves and of the lives that could have been. I think of friends too busy with their lives to remember any of these things. I think of people, cocooned in their love, warming, brightening each others' lives. I think of people honest enough to accept each other for who they are, as they are. I think of people worried about looks and weighable beauty

I think of the constant attempts to snatch away my dignity. I think of what love is - and is not- meant to be.

A lone tear meanders down the arid landscape of my cheek...