How do I begin to explain this numbness inside of me. One of my favorite cousins has been diagnosed with cancer of the lungs. 50% damage to each of the lungs. Someone who's never smoked her entire life. Never has had a drop of alocohol and is the one of the most pious people I know.

I've been in the hospital all day long. It's not sinking in. None of us is ready to believe it, yet we're going through the motions of getting her tests done, running around for reports, looking for alternatives and for different opinions. And she seems to have accepted it. She's been so calm the whole day. The only time I saw her buckle was when she asked the doc - 'how much time do I have?' This is a movie dialog. It's not supposed to be said in real life. Not by someone so full of life. Not by someone real. Not by someone I love.

As I write this, it's begun to rain. As I wonder what kind of an omen this is, the rain gushes through my door and sprays all over me. Is it God blessing us and telling me it's going to be alright?

I'm scared, yet I'm calm. I'm numb, yet I'm talking, laughing, breathing....

God, help me, help us.

Anybody who reads this...please pray my sister beats this. Please.