I write VIII

I celebrate the sun in the sky
I smile, I soar with the birds that fly
I skip, I laugh, I clap my hands in glee
Life's such a lovely jamboree
Tonight will be a starry night
Twinkling, beautiful, shining bright

Millions of reasons for the heart to be light
To celebrate them all -

I write!

I Write VII

Meandering through the lanes of my mind
I come to a spot where I met you
When all was good,
Life was a riot of many a hue

In my mind
I hold your hand
And walk with you -
I'm like Alice in wonderland
Everything looks new

I'm at peace
I'm in love with you and you with me
Don't think
I can be more happy

Then comes the turn
Where you took the left and I took the right
There hadn't been a darker night
I tossed, I turned,
I howled, I cried

The pain was too great
I resisted with all my might.

Today I don't cry
The pain has dulled
You are tucked away
In a forbidden corner of my heart

But just like today
Everytime you come knocking
At memory's door
I close everything else...

And I write.

Is this love?

If 'tis proof of love that you seek,
Then, I wonder, if you should ask -
Is this love?
For love is love
No questions asked
None answered
We just know
And go with the flow

I Write VI

As I sat on the black-as-midnight rocks
And stared at the white-as-milk sea
All I had
Was thoughts -
tumultuous,
peaceful,
silly,
insightful...

Thoughts of what, who, where I was
of who I want to be
Thoughts of everyone I know
Thoughts of you and me

So many thoughts
stumbling in my mind
unfettered, unshackled, free

Thoughts that I knew
Would wash away
As morning turned to night

And so,
to preserve them forever
I came here

To Write.

I Write V

I sit on the rocks by the beach
And the breeze caresses my cheek
The sea, close by, whispers
Its deepest darkest secrets

Startled, I realize
The secrets are all mine

My innermost thoughts
My unsaid desires
All I want to say to you
But can't

I'm too scared
Of rejection
And so,I sit here
Lost in thoughts of you,
For you, aching...

I write...

I write IV

You scream
I yell
We sulk
There's silence

I want to talk
But I know you won't
I turn the other way
There's silence

I want you to make the first move
You want me to give in
Neither budges an inch
There's silence

My thoughts
Straining against the confines of my mind
Pushing through my fingertips
Waiting to be set free

I write.

What is Sin?

We were both looking at the same thing
You needed it more than i did
But i pulled some strings
You're out, I'm in.

That, to me is sin.

You cried
I laughed

That's Sin

I made you feel like a piece of shit
Nothing mattered -
Not your feelings
not your esteem

That's Sin

You were hungry,
I had food
I ate
while you drooled

That's Sin

You tried to snatch
I yelled, called you names
kicked you in the shin

That's Sin!

I write III

I read your thoughts
They give me goosebumps
I walk into the bylanes of your mind
They lead to your heart
I see beauty there
And I see love
I see compassion
And I see mischevious fun
I see a little child
Who looks up with twinkling eyes
And I see you
All grown up and wise
I'm exhilirated by all that I see
I want to share it with the world

And so, I write.

I write - II

...And then there are moments
When my fingers fly over the keyboard,
The thoughts, the emotions
Just swirling around like a heap of clothes
In a tumble drier
I can't read the words yet,
I only see a haze of black letters over a white background
I furiuosly type in
Trying to keep pace with my frenzied thoughts
Faster, faster,
Till I punch in the last full stop
And I fall back in my chair -
Exhausted, yet smiling
Sated...
My thoughts are awake
My mind is alive.

I write, aah bliss.I write

Splintered

Strange silences
Stranger coincidences?
Too close for comfort?

Sometimes words get under our skin
And like a splinter
Make us uncomfortable.

Are these words some of those?

sukoon

Yeh mausam, yeh jadoo,
aur unka saath
kuch hasi, kuch aansoo
ek - do boond pyaar

hai, zahan me hai itna sukoon,

ab mei kya likhoon...

All For Your Smile

Can't keep up with being the good girl
Every day, every minute, every hour.
can't keep up with being meek and mild.
I'm a lioness, can't pretend to be a doe.
And yet, every time the claws start to bare
And the fangs begin to show,
There's a tiny voice that says,
"Hey, go slow.
You're here in the now,
But what about tomorrow?
Don't you know, it takes a split second to go?"

And so I back off,
I bring a smile to my face
Hope it reaches my heart
And that the bitterness it will erase.

Is it an effort? Hell, yes it is.
But the smile on your face
- yes, the one that reaches your eyes
Puts everything in place.

And so, I smile and be the doe i'm not.
All for your smile - all the while.

Screams....

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iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
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iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
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iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
iiiiiiiiiiiiii
iiiiiiiiiii
iiiiiiii
iiiii
ii
i
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How soon we go back into living our lives as if nothing happened. Till something - a memory, a whiff of fragrance, the way something has been kept, someone else, a thought, a comment - triggers off a slew of thoughts - and the emotions, like the scream above, rip through.

And once the pain subsides, the guilt digs its claws in....

We...disintegrate

A simple, but lovely evening that I spent with you
quickly disintegrated into a disaster

You were just being yourself.

I was shaking with anger and wanted to scream
I checked my emotions - yet again

I was just being myself.

You said - follow me

I might not if you keep leaving me behind.

You said - this is me

I might not want to take it everytime.

Notice, I still leave a window open.

You close all doors by saying

Goodnight. I need to leave.

I reply 'goodnight'...and walk away.

...

You're not here and it's not as if the world has stopped.

It goes on as before. I live as before.

I still smile, I still laugh, I still eat, I still listen to music,

I still write, as I do now.

But there's something missing.

It's not as if you were constantly present in my life.

It's not as if I spent every waking moment with you.

Oh, there were months when we didn't even see each other.

But at least I knew you were there, as did you.

But now you're not. And I am.

I still breathe, I still talk, I still smile.

I'd just smile a whole lot more if you were here.

Our eyes met...

It was early morning when the roads were almost empty. I was driving – nay, almost flying – with a gentle smile on my face. It wasn’t everyday that I got a road so empty, so smooth. Up came my regular turn, I turned the steering wheel with a small flick of my wrist. Empty road again…and oh! There’s another car a little up in the distance. Never mind…I’m sure we’ll manage….

I reached right behind this little red car when…

Our eyes met. Naughty, twinkling eyes. Something came over me. I smiled at him. He got a bit confused. I smile back. He peered into the glass, then left, then right. “Is she smiling at me?” I’m sure that must’ve been on his mind. He didn’t smile back. I waved at him, a little shyly, but a wave, nevertheless. He didn’t wave back. I understood. I couldn’t see who it was, but there was someone with him. I sighed to myself, and peeled my eyes away.

But wait…out of the corner of my eye, I saw him throw his head back and laugh. What a lovely smile! He raised his hands and made animal shapes with them, his cute smile in place. He made funny faces and had his co-traveler double up. I knew he was performing for me. Men will perform for women. He stole a glance at me, I smiled back, he immediately averted his eyes and went back to his antics.

What a wonderful way to start a morning. I wanted to keep this vivid image in my mind.

I overtook his car and sped away.









Like I said – men will perform for women. And vice-versa. No matter what the age. No matter what the age difference. I am 31. He must have been 5.

I write

The thoughts flow from my mind,
The words from my heart

Pent up emotions
Unexpressed feelings
Raging passion within
A composed visage

I look for a release.

I whisper to any listening ear
Grope in the dark -
Blind search for a kindred soul
My hand strikes nothing.

I write.

Dervish

A still blue pool

I could see its floor

And then it started to rain

little pregnant drops

that delivered ripples

when they met with the surface

A brisk breeze blew

carried the ripples far

Furiously falling rain

the still blue

became a whirlpool -

The dance of Shiva

And then

just as suddenly as it had begun

the rain died

took a minute

for the heaving pool

to calm down

I could see the bottom again.